Relationship issues are caused by the sum of your and others’ individual unsolved problems which melt together and cause conflicts, misunderstanding, fear, denial of each others needs and emotions, feeling unseen and unheard, feeling underestimated etc.
Which role do you take in your relationship?
If you experience some difficulties in your relationships at home, at work, with friends, relatives, partners etc, you might recognize that your behavior is mainly based on one of these two patterns:
The Acceptor
You please others for the fear of losing them or being rejected, not realizing that in this way you reject yourself in the first place and produce, without even knowing it, self-anger and resentment for the other. Your answer is often “Yes” and you fear conflicts, confrontations and you’re afraid to cause disappointment. When acting from this position you will do anything in your power to avoid a possible fight in order to preserve the hope of receiving love, attention or recognition from people. The Acceptor rejects himself/herself and pleases others.
The Rejector
You push others away in a direct or indirect way before getting really close to them for the fear of being rejected or hurt. Your answer is often “No” and you underestimate the importance of relationships, while secretly you crave for them. You fear vulnerability and try as much as possible to protect yourself from being hurt, judged or feeling dependent by not trusting, attacking the partner and sabotaging the relationship. The Rejector pleases himself/herself and rejects others.
How to deal with your role in the relationship?
Shortly said: where Acceptors need to learn to stand up for themselves and take the risk to be rejected and accepted for who they really are, Rejectors need to learn to be vulnerable and trust others even if things don’t turn out all the time in the way they want it to be.
These steps are necessary because the price to pay in keeping up your usual strategies is higher in terms of suffering than being open and eventually being rejected or hurt.
What to do about these patterns?
When patterns like these are deeply rooted, it is a great result to move from behaving often as Acceptor or Rejector to sometimes and from sometimes to rarely. It is a gradual work of becoming more and more aware of the pattern and disengaging from it over and over again.
In our workshops and individual therapy we can help you to find out which style of relating you apply more often, to get to its core emotions and release them. In fact, these types of behavior always originate in deep emotions. It is only once a big part of emotions are worked through, that it is really possible to move from Acceptor/Rejector mode to a healthy position that we call: Being open.
How to get out of relationship issues and have a healthy relationship?
We help you with practicing healthy communication skills and different relationship approaches in Couples or Groups exercises. In this way you can learn to relate in a honest, open and true way and to be vulnerable in front of others and yet capable to put healthy borders: Saying “Yes” when you mean “Yes” and “No” when you mean “No”. We involve you in practical exercises to release the suppressed emotions in you like anger, pain and fear and experience more space and freedom through: Bioenergetics, OSHO active meditations, Voice liberation, Screaming, Shaking, Meditative & Creative exercises and Breathwork.
Do you feel called to try our workshops or individual sessions after reading this article? Please don’t hesitate and contact us directly so that you can start your healing path.
Further reading:
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